The past few months, I have been suffering from extreme anxiety and a bit of depression to go along with the mix. And honestly, I’m not sure how to deal with this any longer. It is like life is just not worth it anymore. I don’t really see the purpose of living if I have to live the way I have been living lately. The only good thing in my life is my boyfriend. If it wasn’t for him, I would certainly not be here right now. I wouldn’t be able to face each day if it wasn’t for Matty.

This past week has been pretty terrible. I was suppose to start a new job on Monday. I went to go visit one of my Grandma’s on Sunday. She always makes me stressed out at the best of times, but because of my anxiety disorder, it just put me to the breaking point. I got home and Matty asked how I was, and instead of just saying the normal “I’m ok”, I actually told him and I just broke down. I started have a series of anxiety attacks. He helped me by holding me and talking to me. He also has suffered from anxiety for a number of years, so he understands what it is like and was able to help me face the day. Then, on Monday when I was suppose to get up and get ready for my new job, I had the worst anxiety attack I have ever had. I couldn’t breath, I was shaking and crying and felt like I was going to pass out. I thought I was going to die. I have never experienced anything like this before. I phone my doctor and made an emergency appointment with her. While the whole time, I was just taking very short breaths and crying hysterically. She gave me a prescription to help me calm down and told me to go home and lie down and just breath! Once I got home, I finally began to calm down. I had to call into my new job that I wasn’t going to be able to make it. How terrible, eh? But, what could I do? And the thing about the anxiety attack is I was thinking, this is stupid. Just calm down. And thinking people probably thought I was just putting it on. But, I honestly couldn’t help it!!

I went and saw one of my counselors in the afternoon and she recommended that I take more time off, because she knew that if I had to face the same situation the next day, I would just have another anxiety attack. Well, the new job wasn’t very thrilled with all this. But, what could I do? I wanted to work. I didn’t want to have these attacks.

Well, I am starting a job that I really really have wanted to have this Monday. I am just praying that I am going to be able to do it. I am so scared that I am going to have another attack. I lost one job already because of my anxiety, I don’t want to lose another one! Please, God. please help me be able to handle this.

Yeah. and all week, I have been having extreme pain in my head and neck. My brain feels really fried. Like, it is about to short circuit or something.

If anyone else who suffers from anxiety reads this, please if you have any suggestions on how to help me, I would appreciate any advice.

God, please help me!!

My first website template. I initially made it as a proboards skin, but my intention all a long was to make it a website template and finally have the courage to submit it. Hope you like it.

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Another Christian signature to go with the season.

Here is my most recent Christian siggy. Even though, it is Christmas time, it always makes me think of Easter, too and why Jesus came to earth.